Before I Say I Do

Wedding Planning, Engaged, Marriage, Love, Romance, Betrothed, Engagement

In This Guide:

When you think you've finally found the one, there's so much to consider before tying the knot. There's more to compatibility than liking the same movies or sharing a love of cooking. There is financial compatibility, career compatibility, family compatibility, and so many other areas to think through and discuss with your partner before spending the rest of your lives together. Navigating those conversations can be difficult and sometimes it's hard to know what to say to somebody who is engaged. Read on for some suggestions for what to do or say when someone you love is considering marriage.

They Might Be Thinking:

Do we love each other enough to get married?
Do I like what my partner stands for?
Do we feel the same way about wanting or not wanting children?
How many kids do I want to raise? Is that the same number my partner wants to raise?
Will my partner get along with my family and friends?
Will my partner put our relationship first?
Does my partner know the difference between sex and love?
Why do I want to get married?
Is my partner interested in finding the best path for the relationship as opposed to trying to negotiate the best compromise for their interests?
Do we have the same religious beliefs? Is that or is that not important to me?
Do we have the same political beliefs? Is that or is that not important to me?
Have we talked enough about situations that arise in marriage to know if we have a good method for dealing with conflict?
Where will we live after we get married, both in terms of geographically and type of dwelling?
How will we budget?
I'm worried about what my partner will say when I reveal I have quite a lot of debt.
What is my partner's attitude toward debt and credit cards?
How will we handle the finances? Will we have joint or separate accounts?
Should we accept financial help from our family when we are first getting started?
What is my partner's financial situation? Has my partner told me everything about his/her debt and finances?
How will we plan to ensure that we won't need to rely on anyone but ourselves for financial stability?
How will we survive if one of us loses a job?
What are my partner's long-term goals? Short-term goals? How will those goals impact our relationship?
What are my long-term goals? Short-term goals?
Do my partner's parents, family and friends favor this marriage? Have they been asked?
Who has the most to gain at this moment by getting married (financially, socially, childcare)?
I hope my partner gets along with my family. I hope I get along with theirs.
If I could create the ideal partner, is my soon-to-be spouse more or less than what I pictured for myself?

Words That Might Be Encouraging:

You guys are really good together as a couple.
Tell me all about your fiancé.
How did you guys meet?
I think your relationship seems really healthy and focused on respect.
Remember to plan for and focus on the marriage, not just on your wedding day.
I am glad to hear that you are working together to plan your life.
If your partner helps you to be better in all areas of your life, you are on the right track.
I'm very happy for you.
I can't wait to see what life has in store for you both.
It's wonderful to see you so happy and in love.
Your fiancé is a lucky person!

Words That Might Be Discouraging:

You are too young to get married.
What's the rush?
Are you sure about this?
What about your career?
You should spend more time enjoying your life before getting tied down.
You should save more money before you get married.
How are you going to plan a wedding and finish school/work at the same time?
Picking your spouse can be one of the most important decisions of your life.
Maybe you should wait until you are more established in your career.
How do you know this is the right person for you to be with for the rest of your life?
How will you handle the financial demands of married life?
You should live together first to make sure you are ready to get married.
I wish I had never married.
You know, half of all marriages end in divorce.
What if he/she isn't "The One?"
Are you pregnant?
When are you going to have kids?