Sex Difficulties

Struggling with Sexual Intercourse, Relationship Issues, Sexual Compatibility

They Might Be Thinking:

  • I hope no one ever finds out. 
  • I am FRUSTRATED that my needs are not being met.
  • Should I tell my doctor?
  • I am a disappointment to my partner. 
  • There is something wrong with me. 
  • This is all my fault. 
  • Am I always going to be this way?
  • I will never be able to satisfy someone. 
  • I am uncomfortable talking about my sex life. 
  • My partner is going to leave me. 
  • Others will make fun of me if I tell them. 
  • This is ruining my relationship. 
  • I am not attractive enough. 
  • I just don’t understand. This has never happened before.
  • I feel like our entire relationship has changed. 
  • I just want to be left alone.

Words That Might Be Encouraging:

  • Thank you for telling me what has been going on. I know this may be embarrassing/uncomfortable/difficult to talk about, and you should be proud of yourself for opening up.
  • I will continue to support you and stand by your side. 
  • I don’t blame you for this. It happens and it isn’t your fault. 
  • We can work through this together. 
  • I care about you. 
  • What can I do for you?
  • I want you to know there is no pressure to have intercourse. We can take things slow. 
  • How has this been affecting you mentally and emotionally?
  • [Provide verbal reassurance in the moment] Hey, it’s okay. Let’s just chill out for a second. 
  • [Suggest a different activity] How about you touch me?
  • If you want, we can explore the option of talking to someone who can help us. 
  • There’s no need to apologize. It’s not because of something either of us did or didn’t do. There’s no one to blame. 
  • I think you are wonderful and I am still attracted to you. This has nothing to do with the way I feel about you.  

Words That Might Be Discouraging:

  • [Laughs]
  • Don’t worry, plenty of people go through this.
  • Maybe you’re asexual. 
  • It’s me, isn’t it? I guess I’m not sexy enough. 
  • You just need to try harder in the bedroom. 
  • If you weren’t stressing out all the time, we wouldn’t have this problem. 
  • I made an appointment for us to see a sex therapist. [It is best to discuss this option with a partner beforehand to ensure they are comfortable and willing to seek professional help.] 
  • But you’re too young to have these difficulties. 
  • [Talks about their satisfying sex life]
  • You should read/watch Fifty Shades of Grey. That always gets me in the mood.  
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