Struggling with Sexual Intercourse, Relationship Issues, Sexual Compatibility
They Might Be Thinking:
I am EMBARRASSED and ASHAMED.
I hope no one ever finds out.
I am FRUSTRATED that my needs are not being met.
Should I tell my doctor?
I am a disappointment to my partner.
There is something wrong with me.
This is all my fault.
Am I always going to be this way?
I will never be able to satisfy someone.
I am uncomfortable talking about my sex life.
My partner is going to leave me.
Others will make fun of me if I tell them.
This is ruining my relationship.
I am not attractive enough.
I just don’t understand. This has never happened before.
I feel like our entire relationship has changed.
I just want to be left alone.
Words That Might Be Encouraging:
Thank you for telling me what has been going on. I know this may be embarrassing/uncomfortable/difficult to talk about, and you should be proud of yourself for opening up.
I will continue to support you and stand by your side.
I don’t blame you for this. It happens and it isn’t your fault.
We can work through this together.
I care about you.
What can I do for you?
I want you to know there is no pressure to have intercourse. We can take things slow.
How has this been affecting you mentally and emotionally?
[Provide verbal reassurance in the moment] Hey, it’s okay. Let’s just chill out for a second.
[Suggest a different activity] How about you touch me?
If you want, we can explore the option of talking to someone who can help us.
There’s no need to apologize. It’s not because of something either of us did or didn’t do. There’s no one to blame.
I think you are wonderful and I am still attracted to you. This has nothing to do with the way I feel about you.
Words That Might Be Discouraging:
Don’t worry, plenty of people go through this.
Maybe you’re asexual.
It’s me, isn’t it? I guess I’m not sexy enough.
You just need to try harder in the bedroom.
If you weren’t stressing out all the time, we wouldn’t have this problem.
I made an appointment for us to see a sex therapist. [It is best to discuss this option with a partner beforehand to ensure they are comfortable and willing to seek professional help.]
But you’re too young to have these difficulties.
[Talks about their satisfying sex life]
You should read/watch
Fifty Shades of Grey
. That always gets me in the mood.
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