The Pressures of Womanhood
Self-Confidence, Beauty, Equality, Work, Career, Education, Exhaustion, Feminism
Curated By
Keiko McCullough
Keiko McCullough is a doctoral student at Indiana University Bloomington studying Counseling Psychology. Keiko graduated summa cum laude from the University of Akron with her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology in 2015. Her research interests, broadly, focus on the intersections of race, gender, and new media. She additionally studies men of color and masculinities, Asian American mental health, positive psychology, and feminist issues.
Women Might Be Thinking:
- I have to be pretty, kind, and perfect or people won’t approve of me.
- I’m tired of people talking over me and explaining things to me that I already know.
- It’s exhausting (and expensive) to keep up with fashion, but I feel like I have to otherwise people comment even more on my appearance.
- If I’m less feminine, people will like me less,
- It’s confusing and invalidating when other people try to explain my own thoughts or feelings to me.
- I feel bad about how I look when I watch TV or see women in magazines.
- Not only do I have to process and sort through my own feelings, but I also have to take on the emotional load of other people in my life.
- I want to be the best mom, employee, wife and friend all at once... but I am failing.
- Even though I have thoughtful opinions about work-related issues, I keep them quiet so I don’t rock the boat.
- I’m dealing with sexism every day, but people try to convince me that I am not.
- Often what happens in my life is dictated or decided by men.
- I wish people weren’t always asking me about when I’m going to get married or have children.
Words That Might Be Encouraging:
- It seems like you’re under a lot of pressure. Is there any way I can help you feel less stressed?
- There are a lot of things that women have to deal with that men don’t have to. It’s incredibly unfair.
- You’ve persisted in the past and I believe in your ability to persevere through this.
- Your feelings are valid and make sense.
- I appreciate you being so vulnerable with me. You have a lot of courage to share all of this with someone else.
- Society has a lot of ideas about who women should be. I believe in your ability to discover who you really are in the midst of all of these confusing messages.
- You have so much strength to deal with these things every day and to keep doing X, Y, and Z so well.
- Taking on everyone else's emotional load is exhausting. Please let me know if you ever feel that way with me, and I’d be happy to seek support from someone else. I don’t want you to take on my troubles.
- You are enough.
- I feel like you don’t get the recognition that you deserve from others (provide examples of when they’ve done things well, but it went unnoticed).
Words That Might Be Discouraging:
- You have to admit, though, that there are certain privileges that women have that men don’t have.
- Don’t worry so much about what other people think.
- But you don’t *have* to wear makeup/take care of children/be passive, etc. You can choose not to.
- Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Just relax.
- I don’t know what you’re so upset about. That’s just the way the world works.
- What more do you women want?
- You’re always complaining about something.
- You’ll figure it all out sometime soon.
- You just have to be more confident in yourself. Put yourself out there more.
- It’s not like the old days... men and women are pretty much equal now.
- Come on. It can’t be that bad.
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