Cheating, Insecurities, Betrayal, Doubts, Second Guessing a Relationship, Breaking Up, Overcoming Infidelity
The Betrayed Might Be Thinking:
Did I do something wrong?
Is my partner more attracted to someone else?
Was my partner unfaithful because I was unwilling to support certain behaviors?
Should I confront my partner about about the affair, or should I just move on without a confrontation?
How long has this affair been going on?
Is there something about me that attracts cheating personalities?
Why can’t I just find someone normal; someone who wants the same things I want?
I am tired of the dating scene. I wish I could skip all the drama and find someone nice for once.
Am I lowering my standards?
Words and Actions That Might Be Encouraging:
Let the person know there are plenty of good people out there that would be suitable partners.
Offer to visit the house to hang out for a while. It's one of the most authentic things you can do to show how much you care.
Listen and allow the person to vent. Let the person get angry and fully express disappointment.
Let this person grieve the loss of the relationship and express feelings of betrayal.
Help this person to understand that everyone is responsible for their own actions and that the cheating was preventable.
Remind this person of his/her personal value and worth.
Ask about the level of maturity in the relationship. If it was at a high level, remind the person he/she did his/her best.
Tell this person that the partner did not seem to bring the same level of commitment to the relationship,
Give the person something to look forward to on the horizon. Plan an event or experience that will renew spirit and hope.
Bring a new pillow and bed sheets. This person may not realize how important a new set of sheets will feel.
Leave a hand written note that reminds this person of his/her personal power and beauty.
Bring dinner every Saturday night at 5 or 6 p.m. to ensure that the person has something to do.
Consider purchasing a few counseling sessions to help the person work through some of the feelings of uncertainty.
Words and Actions That Might Be Discouraging:
Avoid gifting alcohol, if possible. The juice is rarely worth the squeeze.
Avoid calling the cheating party bad names.
Steer clear of recreating details specific to the infidelity.
Avoid raising the level of anger and disappointment by adding "fuel to the fire."
Don't draw lines in the sand related to what the person should do or not do if the cheating party tries to return.
Don't avoid picking up the phone if you don't have time to talk. Answer the phone.
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