Unfaithful Partner

Cheating, Insecurities, Betrayal, Doubts, Second Guessing a Relationship, Breaking Up, Overcoming Infidelity

The Betrayed Might Be Thinking:

  • Did I do something wrong?
  • Is my partner more attracted to someone else?
  • Was my partner unfaithful because I was unwilling to support certain behaviors?
  • Should I confront my partner about about the affair, or should I just move on without a confrontation?
  • How long has this affair been going on?
  • Is there something about me that attracts cheating personalities?
  • Why can’t I just find someone normal; someone who wants the same things I want?
  • I am tired of the dating scene. I wish I could skip all the drama and find someone nice for once.
  • Am I lowering my standards?

Words and Actions That Might Be Encouraging:

  • Let the person know there are plenty of good people out there that would be suitable partners.
  • Offer to visit the house to hang out for a while. It's one of the most authentic things you can do to show how much you care. 
  • Listen and allow the person to vent. Let the person get angry and fully express disappointment.
  • Let this person grieve the loss of the relationship and express feelings of betrayal.
  • Help this person to understand that everyone is responsible for their own actions and that the cheating was preventable.
  • Remind this person of his/her personal value and worth.
  • Ask about the level of maturity in the relationship. If it was at a high level, remind the person he/she did his/her best.
  • Tell this person that the partner did not seem to bring the same level of commitment to the relationship,
  • Give the person something to look forward to on the horizon. Plan an event or experience that will renew spirit and hope.
  • Bring a new pillow and bed sheets. This person may not realize how important a new set of sheets will feel.
  • Leave a hand written note that reminds this person of his/her personal power and beauty.
  • Bring dinner every Saturday night at 5 or 6 p.m. to ensure that the person has something to do. 
  • Consider purchasing a few counseling sessions to help the person work through some of the feelings of uncertainty.

Words and Actions That Might Be Discouraging:

  • Avoid gifting alcohol, if possible. The juice is rarely worth the squeeze.
  • Avoid calling the cheating party bad names.
  • Steer clear of recreating details specific to the infidelity.
  • Avoid raising the level of anger and disappointment by adding "fuel to the fire."
  • Don't draw lines in the sand related to what the person should do or not do if the cheating party tries to return.
  • Don't avoid picking up the phone if you don't have time to talk. Answer the phone.
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